


Respect

by DearDiary



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Abusive Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearDiary/pseuds/DearDiary
Summary: After a passionate row Doctor left Rose stranded in the Tardis because it was too dangerous for her out in the world they had landed in. Just for a couple of hours, Rose would be alright, wouldn't she? Doctor and Jack only needed to find some spare parts for the Tardis. Little did Doctor know that he had opened the unhealed wounds of Rose's past.
Relationships: Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 26
Kudos: 54





	1. Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, beautiful people!  
> This idea popped into my mind when I couldn't fall sleep at 4 a.m.  
> Rose is such a...complicated and layered character, I enjoy writing her so much. There weren't a lot of things about Rose revealed in the series, and people love to explore her character in fanfiction. So, here's my try at figuring out Rose Tyler. A very angsty try, but I promise you there will be a happy ending.

It seemed that they were walking in circles. There was no end to this row, and with every passing minute it seemed that there was no beginning to it either. 

“Rose, we’ve been over this several times now. It’s too dangerous.” 

“Why is it dangerous for me but not for Jack?” 

“Because Jack is a man!” Doctor said, exasperated. He was yet to realise the mistake he made when he had said that. 

“Oh, so you are suddenly into misogyny now, aren’t you?” Rose felt that she was turning into proverbial bull which had seen something red. That something was Doctor’s words, and at this moment Doctor was acting as a toreador. 

“That is not what I meant, Rose, and you know it! You are just being unbelievingly stubborn and refuse to see sense.” 

“Damn right I see no sense – there just isn’t any!” 

Doctor sighed heavily, pushing both of his hands into his short-cropped hair. The whole situation was ridiculous. Rose refused to yield to his admonitions, arguing until she was blue in the face, so damn sure that it was him who was acting incorrectly. He had no idea what to do, he had abandoned all hope to say something to convince her to stay in the safety of the Tardis while he and Jack procure the bits and pieces needed for the Tardis’ maintenance. It wasn’t a big deal, for God’s sake! Doctor and Jack only needed to pop by the planet that specialised in technical merchandise, buy all the suitable details – and Bob’s your uncle. 

But no. It wasn’t as simple because Rose Tyler didn’t agree with that. 

“Rose, for the last time, this planet is dangerous for women, it is especially dangerous for off-world women – and need I remind you that you fall into that category!” 

“Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s stop wasting our breath and rescue the poor women!” 

When Doctor mentioned Rose was blue in the face, he exaggerated a bit. Well, a lot. She was flustered and very much red, and if he didn’t know better, he’d be worried she had a fever. 

“Rosie, darling, it’s not that easy. The women’s emancipation movement isn’t due for another 23 years, and we cannot tamper with their planet’s history course.” 

Thank God for Jack! Doctor would have never thought he would be happy to have the lad on board, but he might admit (in the very-very deep and dark - and did he mention deep – of his hearts that the American was a much-needed buffer for Time Lord and Rose’s fiery tempers.) 

The aforementioned Captain was standing nearby, leaning against a coral strut in the console room. He seemed a little terrified by the girl’s outburst but he held her too dear to his heart to allow her to step into jeopardy. As much as Jack was the ladies’ man and as much as he was able to get involved into meaningless affairs without any lingering emotions, he too couldn’t help but fall under Rose’s irresistible charm. The pink and yellow girl could wrap any bloke around her finger if she wished so, although she wasn’t aware of that. Thank goodness. 

And Doctor preferred for her not to know anyway. It was enough that the two of them – Jack and the Time Lord – were smitten with her. 

“You two are unbelievable! That’s rubbish, and you know it! What happened with helping those who seek our help?” Rose sounded so much like any indignant teenager now. Well. She had all the right – she was a teenager by all means. And very much indignant. 

“Rose, we are telling you, these are perfectly normal conditions and behaviour for this world! The people are used to it, they are brought up in this society, and the women don’t know different life – they aren’t happy, but that’s not the point. You know that women on Earth had too had their limits until the very middle of the 20th century – you still don’t change history, do you? Because that is something that was meant to happen!” 

“Yeah, as if I wouldn’t want to change that.” Rose muttered stubbornly under her breath. 

Doctor’s attitude flared up. 

“Now you take that back, Rose Tyler. Haven’t you learnt your lesson before? Need I remind you what happened in that church?” 

Doctor knew that he stooped low. That night after the events in 1987 he promised Rose he had forgiven her and swore to never speak of that day again. 

At least now the girl had the decency to look scorned. Her cheeks were burning brighter, if possible, there were splotches of red and white on her neck and the top of her chest, and Doctor wondered again if she hadn’t got a severe case of fever from the previous adventure. 

Jack was frowning at the arguing pair, not knowing what had happened in the church. The two of the Tardis team definitely had history, and not all of it is happy and carefree, as it seemed. 

Suddenly it was eerily quiet. The participants of the row knew that the whole argument would come to a head any minute then, and they all were thinking carefully of their next moves. 

The only things that were heard were the Tardis’ concerned hum and Rose’s ragged breaths as she tried to calm down and collect herself. Jack looked at Rose again and found that he was almost ready to give up and let her come with them, but gathered himself, ready to support Doctor’s point. 

When without warning Doctor pulled out a pair of police handcuffs from his bottomless pocket and cuffed Rose’s left wrist to a railing near the control panel. 

“What are you...what is that, some kind of joke? Let me out, now!” Rose was yelling in blind rage. Jack felt the urge to recoil: he had never seen the girl in such emotional state, and it was terrifying. 

“You are acting on your emotions, you are too wind up to hold a calm discussion and listen to valid reasons now – and it will take less than two hours for us to retrieve the needed details and return back safely without endangering you or the planet’s history for that matter. So off we go – and you try to calm down. If you’re feeling like screaming at me after our return – be my guest.” 

The girl was standing, speechless, looking at her chained hand and at Doctor in turns. Jack was scratching the back of his neck, avoiding her stare. Her lower lip started trembling, cheeks paled all at once, but Doctor wasn’t there to see it. The Captain had witnessed that, but decided not to add to Rose’s building humiliation and followed Doctor outside the Tardis’s doors. 

Both men felt heavy in their hearts, but persisted on their quest nevertheless, leaving the female companion behind.


	2. Hurt

Rose was sure she felt all the spectre of emotions during the first moments of Doctor and Jack’s absence. She felt burning rage coursing through her system, making her veins seem like they were on fire; she felt morosely empty the next moment, willing the world around her to fade away – or wishing herself to fade into oblivion. At first, she was in denial. There was no way in hell Doctor would do that to her, except that he already did that. Rose felt started to feel cornered, too, and it was clear she was a few minutes away from an impending panic attack. 

She was brimming with fear, she was suffocating and restless, she felt like she was losing her mind, a thousand and one thoughts rushing in her fevered brain. The panic attack was looming, pressing on her chest, making it hard to breathe in; the walls started to close on her – and she thought she felt the Tardis’s concerned pitch rise higher before Rose lost the battle to the fully blossomed panic attack – slipping into unconsciousness gratefully. 

When Rose awoke, she thought that, perhaps, the previous events were just her imagination, or a particularly nasty nightmare where Doctor was the one to turn his back on her, leaving her alone and stranded. It wasn’t a nightmare, though, she thought ruefully as she assessed a violent red mark on her left wrist. It seemed that she pulled too hard when she fainted, tugging the cuff while falling to the grating. The mark would bloom into a proper bruise later, she knew that for sure from previous experience. On her right hand. 

Rose snorted loudly. Well, now everything was balanced, a bruise on her right wrist when she was 16, a bruise on her left one when she was 19. 

Marvellous. 

She sat down on hunches shakily, taking a deep breath, trying to relax her body. There was no point in making herself dizzy and hysterical again. So, Rose sat on the floor, listening to a calming hum of the Time Ship. She smiled at the Tardis’ attempts to console her, and whispered a quiet “thank you” into silence. 

Silence that did nothing but provided her with a vivid flashback. 

_*2.5 years ago, London*_

Rose couldn’t believe it! Jimmy was leaving to the bar to celebrate his crappy band’s anniversary. But it was their 6 months anniversary, too! Weren't their relationships more important that his bloody band? Rose felt said relationships falling at the seams, still, she was naïve enough to try and mend them. 

Only Jimmy wasn’t trying to do the same. He was acting like he was tired of the whole arrangement, like he was tired of Rose herself. His behaviour told her that she was now just a nuisance, that she wasn’t worthy of his time and attention. 

It was awful. 

She felt awful. 

There’s nothing more humiliating for a sixteen-year-old girl than being dismissed after she was the chosen one of the coolest blokes in the crowd. Why, oh why wasn’t Rose enough for Jimmy. She knew it was only a matter of days before he started cheating on her, and a matter of a couple of weeks before he started doing that not so discreetly. 

Naturally, she acted brazenly instead of thinking her actions through. She all but attacked him after Jimmy came home before the big gig with his band, confronting him about the obvious change in their relationships. She screeched and yelled in a jealousy fit, making a fool of herself in front of the object of her adoration (and much to the amusement of the neighbours. Let’s see how long before the word of that row got out to her mom.) Needless to say, Jimmy was not impressed. He never intended for their fling to last that long, and the singer got tired of the affections of the teenage blonde. She was so needy, so pushy and now she was jealous, too. He didn’t have time for this. He had half an hour for making himself decent to perform in public. 

So, he did the first thing that came to his mind. He tricked Rose into thinking that he felt remorse that he was acting distant and cold towards her. Jimmy pushed her against the wall, closer to the window and to the radiator built in the wall. He hugged her tenderly, kissing her hair. The girl melted into his embrace, basking in her victory and his love. How lucky she was! 

Until her right hand was cuffed to the radiator by Jimmy. 

What the hell?! 

“Jimmy, what are you doing? Is it some kind of joke? Where did you get those? Jimmy!” The blonde tried futilely to squirm out of the metal band on her wrist, all to no avail. 

Jimmy smirked. His eyes were no longer warm with desire. The look on his face was cold, calculating. 

“Whatever did you expect, Rosie? You and I both know that when you are in a mood for a fight, there is no stopping you for hours and hours. The make-up shag is always nice, too, but a bloke gets tired of a jealous roller coaster the bird puts him through. Well, this is my way of saying that I’m tired, Rosie. So, you stay here and have a good thinking about your behaviour while I go and get ready for our big gig tonight. When I come home, we’ll continue the row where we stopped this, I promise.” 

Jimmy smiled tightly and closed the door to the bedroom behind him. Rose heard the shower turning on, listened to him getting dressed and shaved in the bathroom, was a witness to a loud bang of the door of the apartment. 

She wished he had slapped her. She wished he hadn’t humiliated her that way. He made her feel like an inexperienced child, throwing a tantrum because of not getting something she wanted. Rose felt the scorching tears of embarrassment burning her eyes, leaving hot tracks on her cheeks. She wanted to wail loudly, to cry out her frustration, she wanted to disappear and never to see Jimmy again. He made her feel inadequate; he made her feel stupid, blank, unworthy, cheap and expendable. She suffered silently, feeling very much like a caged animal. How appropriate. The cold metal of handcuffs bit mercilessly into the flesh of her wrist, and she dropped the attempts of getting out of them at all. Rose slid down the wall to sit, her right arm angled uncomfortably up to the radiator. Thank God the radiator wasn’t on, she’d be suffering great deal more that way. 

Rose sat on her hunches and stared at the patterned wallpaper. She barely blinked for the next 8 hours, and was startled out of her trance when Jimmy carefully stepped into the room, smelling of cheap whiskey and cigarettes, and uncuffed her hand. She hadn’t uttered a word as she put on her only jacket and walked outside, ignoring Jimmy’s attempts to talk to her. 

She used the loo in the chippy nearby, washed her face and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She looked into her bleak reflection in the mirror. Her roots needed to be done soon. She walked out of the chippy under the workers’ unhappy stares (she didn’t order anything as she had no money on herself) and started her way towards her mother’s apartment. Rose knew her mum would welcome her with open arms and wouldn’t probably talk her ears off about Jimmy, too, but she felt the need to wallow in her pathetic mood alone for a little while. 

And then Rose would crawl to Jackie’s apartment and cry pitifully in her mother’s embrace until she was no longer lucid and coherent. Jackie would fret and worry over her cherished offspring, letting all of her motherly charms out to console the devastated girl in her arms. Jackie would go in the kitchen in search of a sedatives she kept in the kitchen cupboard, and Rose would go out of the scoldingly hot shower only to put on a long-sleeved shirt to hide the blooming bruise on her right wrist. 

Jackie would never know what was the catalyst to the break-up in Rose and Jimmy’s affair; but she would forever be grateful to that catalyst for bringing her only daughter back. 


	3. Repentance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received some unpleasant news today, and once again found myself disappearing into the world of fiction. Hope you all are well and safe and happy!

_*present time, in the Tardis*_

Rose had no idea how much time passed as she happened to leave her phone on the captain’s seat near the Tardis’ controls. Two hours, her arse. She suddenly remembered Doctor’s miscalculations after their trip to Cardiff in 1869. What if Doctor lost track of time? What if something horrible happened to him and Jack on that terrible planet, and she was stuck there without any means to help them? 

Rose anticipated the return of the panic attack, so she pushed the dark thoughts away. She tried having a kip, but there was a nagging pain in her wrist that was forbidding her into falling asleep. Fantastic. She was left there with nothing and no one to entertain herself with, and it was all Doctor’s fault. 

Oh Lord, Jack! There was no way in hell Rose would be able to ever look in his eyes again. She knew that Jack was very much a victim of the situation, too, because the Time Lord was in charge, and Jack’s place on the Tardis was barely established for him to confront Doctor. No, Rose found that she wasn’t cross with the Captain, but she was achingly embarrassed to see him anytime soon. 

In a hundred years, maybe. But not now. 

Another revelation was that Rose, strangely enough, felt that she couldn’t cry. At first, when Doctor put her into that position, she thought she’d be bawling her eyes out with humiliation; now she only had enough power to stare emptily into space, not finding it in herself to care about what would happen when the men would return from their so-called expedition. Rose just couldn’t care at the moment, feeling hollowed out inside. 

All at once, she remembered what a girl from her mum’s favourite movie used to say. “I’ll think about it tomorrow, when I can stand it.” the girl used to say. What was her name? Ruby? Scarlett? Rose couldn’t care less at the moment. 

She would think about Doctor and Jack when she could stand it. 

_*1 hour 47 minutes after Doctor and Jack’s departure*_

The door to the Tardis opened quietly. Doctor wasn’t feeling very brave all of a sudden, and truth be told, he had thought over his harsh decision to cuff Rose to the railing many times during the time of their absence. He was so distracted by the state of his female companion he almost bought the wrong Tardis’ parts and nearly got scammed by the vendors. Twice. 

Still, Doctor was cold-minded enough not to break any rules on the planet. It was a safe trip apart from witnessing the public punishment of a woman who laughed too loud in the streets. The worst thing about the whole ordeal was that that woman’s husband was the one who handled her into the arms of the so-called “justice”. 

Revolting. 

And so here they were, not two hours late, just as Doctor promised. He realised that he had a lot of apologising to do, but there was no way he would apologise for not taking Rose with them. He acted in a brutal way, he was far his usual gruff self, and he hurt the only soul he held dear in the whole Universe. 

Doctor was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of Jack’s coughing. The lad was giving him a sign to actually step into the Tardis and face the music. 

The view that welcomed him was a view that would chase the Time Lord in the nightmares. 

The girl was sitting on the grating with her left hand raised awkwardly behind her. She didn’t look up at the newcomers, simply continued staring at the floor. She nary uttered a word, and Doctor stood there like an idiot without knowing what to do next. 

Jack pushed Doctor in Rose’s direction. Right. First things first, he had to free Rose. Second things...he would cross that bridge when he got there. 

Doctor’s confusion quickly escalated to awkwardness when he understood that the blonde wasn’t going to speak to him. The stubborn girl didn’t speak to the Captain either, but somehow Doctor felt that it was due to his own presence in the room. He crouched down and unlocked the handcuffs from her wrist, watching closely as Rose rubbed her left wrist gently. There was a bluish mark there, copying the shape of the cuff. Doctor suspected that the bruise was just the surface of the injury, but Rose shied away from his probing hands, turning away her face. Still, she hadn’t spoken a single word in the past minutes, and if that wasn’t completely out of character of her, then her refusing Jack’s opened arms was. 

Rose all but fled the control room, never looking back, never acknowledging the words spoken by two men to her. 

Doctor was terrified. What had he done? Would Rose want to go home now, forever leaving him alone? Was she packing her things at the moment, crying soundlessly in her room? That was another thing that unsettled Doctor deeply, the way the teen hadn’t been crying when they returned. It was obvious she didn’t cry in their absence, and that was strange, too. Rose was such an emotional, affectionate girl. She’d barely shown the vulnerable side of her that cried while watching cute babies and kittens (especially when she was due on her menstrual cycle; although Doctor never admitted he could notice that), the way she would cry silently or sob loudly for the world to hear when not everybody could live during their adventures. Usually it was Doctor who would console her. He would provide comfort he’d never thought he’d be able to provide. He would hug her for a long time, rub gentle circles on her back, listen to her muffled cries. He would offer her a cup of tea and would see to her actually going to bed and falling asleep, staying in the chair beside her bed to make sure she was alright, and no nightmares plagued her. He suspected that his feelings for the girl were straying further and further away from platonic, although he would never confess to that. It wasn’t even because of the profound age gap or even the complications that would surely follow their travelling with their new status as a couple. It was because Doctor was afraid to no end of Rose’s leaving. Or worse. Of her untimely demise that might happen anytime, anywhere. Oh, he knew there was no point in talking her out of their travelling as she claimed that he was stuck with her. 

But now...what would she say now? Oh, Rassilon... 

What would she say to Jackie?! 

It was that moment Doctor realised he was a man with a death sentence over his head. A death sentence that would fall the moment Rose would tell her mother of the way he had abused her trust. 

Fantastic. 


	4. Mending body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I wanted to say that I am a great fan of Billie Piper, her beauty and talent, but I think it took me some time to love her appearance, just as it was with Lea Michele a very long time ago when I watched "Glee" for the first time. What I'm trying to say is that Billie (and Rose, naturally) is very beautiful, but not in a classic way we see in shiny magazines (just like Mr Christopher Ecclestone, but we all love him and his face dearly, don't we?)  
> I also have like a bunch of English lessons to give tomorrow morning (it's 2:05 a.m. for me currently), so off I pop to plan them.  
> Hope you all have a great time of day wherever and whenever you are.

Three days. 72 hours (plus the two Jack and Doctor spent on the planet while hunting for the spare parts). 

4440 minutes since Rose had spoken to him. 

The silent treatment was driving Doctor up the wall. Jack, bless him, tried his very best to lighten the atmosphere on the Time Ship, and the Tardis herself was very supportive, if only slightly cross with the Time Lord for the way he treated her favourite human girl. 

At first, Rose refused to yield to his request to the infirmary. He was stubborn alright, but she was the absolute champion. Headstrong, inflexible, tenacious, unshakable, relentless...Doctor could continue the list of synonyms for Rose’s personality on and on in many different languages. He knew that she was hurt, it was obvious by the way the girl favoured her right hand in every task she did, by the way she scrunched her face every time she used her left hand. Doctor was frustrated. She was suffering, that was clear, and she refused to let him mend her, let alone talk to him. Rose was civil with Jack, but it was a far cry from the dynamic the duo shared in their flirtatious friendship before that godforsaken day when Doctor left her. 

He thought he’d bang his head through the wall when Doctor realised Rose had roamed the infirmary in the search of analgesics, but couldn’t find any (at least the ones she would recognise). Jack shared his worries about the bruise being not just an ugly mark, but a sprain, too, and Doctor suspected the same. When he asked himself however did Rose manage to give herself a sprain, the Tardis demonstrated the chapter from a medical reference book on the computer in the control room. The chapter was called “Panic disorders”, and the words “panic attack” and “loss of consciousness” were highlighted in yellow. 

If Doctor thought that he felt guilty before...well. He was currently self-flagellating, hating every ounce of his being for not only hurting Rose’s feelings, but for pushing her past the brink of a panic attack. 

But there was more. Rose almost stopped eating, and Doctor didn’t know if it was for her pure stubbornness or her lack of appetite (that could be caused by the pain levels she experienced and by the stress, of course). He caught the girl in the galley a couple of times during those three days, but she vanished from the kitchen immediately after his appearance, leaving the barely touched food and tea behind. Moreover, Rose didn’t seem to sleep well, if at all, these nights. The teen spent the majority of time in her sanctuary – her room, escaping the company of Doctor and Jack. 

The Captain was his usual charming self and attempted to make Rose laugh. He called her “Rosie”, “sweetheart”, “doll”, he went through all the trouble of wooing her, making the girl at least acknowledge him without turning her eyes away, but it was fruitless. She never gave in. 

Doctor stumbled upon Rose in the library while she was drowsing with a book in her hands. He wanted to leave her be at first, noticing the slight hollowness in her cheeks and the blue circles under her eyes, but he quickly dismissed the idea when he recognised the signs of distress marring her tired face. That shattered look broke his hearts. Rose shouldn’t look so drained, her pretty young face should always wear a bright smile, there should be a happy gleaming in her whiskey-coloured eyes. 

The Time Lord sighed heavily, and opted for awaking the slumbering girl. 

He hadn’t realised Rose was that weary and exhausted by the events that she barely understood what was happening. She was hardly coherent and hadn’t realised it was Doctor who took her in his arms bridal style and brought her through the doors of the infirmary. She didn’t care because suddenly, after all these days of silent suffering and torturing thoughts there was somebody warm, big, protecting; offering her the comfort of their arms. 

She thought she felt the pain in her wrist dulling gradually, and appreciated the warm sensations that filled her warmth-starved body and numb fingers. Rose felt so cold, so lost on the inside, deep in her soul, and it was an immense relief to experience the soft glow that made her feel alive and buzzing. The feeling of sheer comfort was something she wished to bask in longer, but she was bone-tired and devastated, she longed for a good sleep. 

And all too soon sleep overwhelmed her under Doctor’s watchful eyes. 

Meanwhile, Doctor was fixing Rose’s external injuries, silently hoping he’d be able to mend the ones he inflicted on her soul. He scanned her supine form, carefully so as not to disturb her, and injected an IV with a dash analgesic when it turned out she was mildly dehydrated and malnourished. He thought about adding a sedative to the mix, but decided against it. He’d use it if she’d be caught by nightmares, right now her body would recuperate nicely in natural sleep. He covered her body with a heating blanket gently after he understood she was chilled, and only then he started working on her sprain. 

Doctor tsked unhappily. It would be a matter of 10 minutes to treat the sprain under a dermal regenerator. It would have saved Rose a lot of discomfort to let him mend her wrist the moment he and Jack returned back, but oh well, they were talking Rose Tyler, the queen of obstinacy. 

Rose was lying there, vulnerable once again under the charms of sleep. She didn’t bother with make-up these days of silent treatment, and Doctor marvelled at how young she seemed without the protection of cosmetics. If he hadn’t known her, if he had just seen her for a brief moment on the streets without make-up, he’d have thought she was 16. Scarcely 19 she insisted on (he had his suspicions as he had never seen her passport, and she avoided the topic of her birthday like a plague. Just as he said, suspicious.) He tried thinking of the reasons of why such a cute girl as Rose would use so much make-up on her all the time. Even Jackie, her glamorous mother, wasn’t too big on mascara and rouge and lipstick like their Rose was. Did she use make-up as an armour against the world? As means to look older? Because she was insecure about her appearance? 

Doctor snorted. It was true that Rose had an overbite and fuller than average lips, and her face was kind of round (and he could vouch it was the remaining baby fat), but every single one of those aspects of her appearance Doctor adored. She might be not the perfect example of beauty shown in glossy magazines she enjoyed reading, his Rose, but she was perfect in his eyes. 

Also, Doctor had a theory about her being blonde. That was probably something brought by the Estates and the teachers in schools there. She possibly dyed her hair bottle blonde to stop anyone from assuming she was smart and more important than just a shopgirl. He hated each and every one of those who made her think less of herself. 

But Doctor was there now, and he had a lot of ideas on how to make Rose accept herself for who she was. He wished her to love herself just like he loved her. 

There. He confessed it, if only to himself. What an emotional mess he was at the moment... 

The Time Lord sighed dramatically and pushed a plastic chair to the bed where the girl rested. He wanted to be near when she finally woke up. He needed to make things right between them again. He mulled over the words he planned to say, the gestures to use to console Rose, to make her believe Doctor was worthy of her everything: her time, her emotions, her attention. There was no way in Heaven and Hell Doctor would be ready to let her go; he was that selfish. He would swear he’d never hurt his favourite companion intentionally, and he would try and be gentler and more considerate in his actions and words. 

Anything to get her to stay with him. Even if only platonically. Doctor would rather agonise every day not having Rose as his lover than not having her near at all. 

Old fool, he was. “Old softie” Rose would call him. 

If only she knew. 

And so, Doctor spent the next 9 hours near his dear companion, guarding her dreams. 


	5. Healing souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some soul-searching, past-sharing, crying and a mutual agreement to respect each other (and a cup of tea to seal the deal).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to each and every one of you who was with me on this short journey on this fic. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.  
> Now off I go to plan some lessons...again. Oh to be an English teacher in a pandemic world...  
> Hope you will all be safe and sound and happy these days.  
> Cheers!

Rose struggled to wake. It was a good kind of struggle, though, the one you get after a particularly long and refreshing sleep, sleep that was much needed for your body and soul. It was a sweet precipice between facing the real world and staying cocooned in dream state, falling in and out of consciousness. Rose felt like she needed to stay sleeping a little longer, as if there was something holding her back from going back to reality. What was it? What was the thing she didn’t want to face? 

Unfortunately, her body had its own plans. As it sometimes happened after a long time of being unconscious, the headache was building slowly between Rose’s eyes. The pain was progressing slowly, but urgently; she had no other choice but to wake up and... 

Find herself not in her room. 

Huh. Interesting. 

After a lot of blinking and eye-rubbing Rose finally understood where she was. The infirmary in the Tardis. The place was hard not to recognise, that was where her and Doctor spent quite some time after her wandering off (or simply being taken away by force without wandering off). Doctor would always moan about Rose being a liability and danger magnet and just her being a “jeopardy friendly” person, but the girl understood that the man was trying to hide the need to fuss and worry over his companion behind the wall of irritation. The teen never minded his harsh words and displeasure because she cherished those short moments of being loved and cared for; the utter pleasure of Time Lord’s attention being focused completely on her. 

Speaking of Time Lords. 

The blonde turned her head to the left and found herself pinned to place by the intense look in Doctor’s eyes. She felt a smile tugging at her lips, she was so happy to see his daft face. 

Until she remembered the events of the previous days. 

Doctor saw the smile brightening Rose’s sleepy face when she first saw him; a moment later he saw that smile disappearing, mistrust clouding the girl’s features. 

“You’re alright, Rose, I promise. You are headstrong and obstinate, but you are fine. I fixed the sprain in your hand. I put saline solution into the IV to cure the dehydration, and I expect you to have a nice cup of highly sweetened tea after we’ve talked. Or tea and something sweet. You like sweets. And a full dinner after that. Oh, and I’ve added some analgesics, too. Your wrist shouldn’t hurt by now, but if it’ll start bothering you, give me a shout. Oh, Rose, why didn’t you tell me you were in pain? It would have been ten minutes to help you heal, and you wouldn’t have needed to endure the pain.” 

The teen was watching him silently without speaking. But she was looking him in the eyes now, wasn’t trying to avoid his stare. Maybe she wasn’t out of the dream state, yet. Or maybe she was starting to warm up to him. 

Doctor tried his luck by asking another question. 

“Are you feeling any better? Anything hurts?” 

To his immense surprise, Rose replied hoarsely. 

“My head. And I feel nauseous.” 

Doctor thought he was in seventh heaven. Finally! Rose is talking to him, not everything is lost because of his foolishness. 

“I have a medicine just for that. But if you feel nauseous, I’ll have to inject it. Otherwise the pills are going to mess with your stomach even more. Do you mind?” 

There. Gentle and polite. 

Rose shook her head. “No, do what you need to. Please.” She added after a moment of hesitation. 

He found himself smiling again, that genuine smile that appeared only when Rose was involved. Doctor walked to the cabinets where the medicine was stored, put out the needed vial and a packaged syringe. He knew Rose wasn’t a fan of injections (especially intravenous), and wanted to get this over with. 

The Time Lord hummed comfortingly at Rose’s tense form and her looking away when he put a needle into the vein, swapping the puncture with antiseptic and bending her arm to avoid bruising. The girl thanked him quietly, and he offered her help with getting from the bed. Doctor cleared his throat, suddenly feeling anxious with what he was about to say. 

“Now, Rose, I believe we have something to discuss.” He held his breath while waiting for her reply. 

Rose nodded sluggishly. “How...” she coughed a little because of not using her voice for too long. “How about we meet in the galley after I pop to the shower?” 

The Time Lord smiled down at the girl standing near him. “Okay. I’ll put the kettle on.” 

*** 

Doctor met Jack in the galley. Captain’s eyes were full of concern as he hadn’t seen Doctor or Rose for some time now, and he was worried for the teenage girl’s well-being. 

“She’s alright now, Jack. Her trust in us is bruised, but I’m ready to amend that now.” 

The Captain nodded curtly in understanding. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Won’t stand in your way.” He then patted Doctor’s shoulder friendly and disappeared into the Tardis’ hallway. 

Doctor shook his head in agreement, although Jack wasn’t there to see it. He then rubbed his hands on his face, fidgety for Rose’s appearance, and decided to distract himself from negative thoughts by putting the kettle on. As Jackie loved to say “There’s nothing a nice cuppa won’t fix. Well, sometimes it takes tea and a splosh of rum, but tea helps nevertheless.” Doctor shuddered. The world was coming to its imminent end if he was quoting Jackie Tyler. 

*** 

Rose came into the galley 3 minutes after the kettle whistled. She still looked a little tired, the Time Lord noticed, and he assumed she felt chilly because she was wearing a grey baggy sweater over a pink T-shirt. Trust it to Rose Tyler to put on something pink wherever and whenever they went. 

Doctor couldn’t understand how a person could love one particular colour so much, especially with thousands and thousands of different hues existing in remote corners of the Universe. Well, he could indulge the other-planetary colours as Rose still hadn’t seen much, but come on...he approximated that at least 70 percent of her wardrobe came in many shades of pink. Although, much to his long-awaited relief, Rose started to favour the pastel pinks recently, not the hot pink she insisted on wearing in the first months of their travelling together. 

“So, about that tea?” 

Oh. Oh! He was so caught up in his trail of thinking he hadn’t even remembered to brew tea. Doctor smiled tightly, rubbing the back of his neck, and turned to make their drinks. Earl Grey for the both of them, but Rose preferred adding two teaspoons of sugar. Doctor cringed inwardly. That was another peculiarity of his female companion, her tendency to love everything sweet. Sweetened tea, lots of chocolate, jelly babies (oh so many memories ago), lollipops, cakes, biscuits...he was sure that if it wasn’t for his regular check-ups and him giving out medication to Rose to prevent diabetes, the girl’s health would have been in danger. Later, after she’d spend some time enjoying the sweets, she would moan and fuss about her weight, and the Time Lord would have to assure his young friend that she was in perfect shape, and she could make herself happy by eating some sweets what with all the running and jumping they did in their adventures. 

He put Rose’s cup in front of her on the table and watched her nimble fingers curl around the provided warmth. Doctor then offered her a variety of biscuits she loved dearly, and waited with trepidation if she would accept. Rose peered into his eyes intently, as if weighing her options, then took two of her favourites out of the box. 

Doctor exhaled in relief. She was looking at him, she was somehow talking to him, and she didn’t turn down his help. Fan-tas-tic. 

Rose decided not to prolong the excruciating waiting and save both of them some drama. She needed to talk to Doctor. She wasn’t remotely remorse for the silent treatment she gave him, but she was enough of an adult now to finally put the hurt and offense to bed. Rose just needed Doctor to swear he’d never put her through something like that again, ever. She longed to tell him the truth of her past, and she intended to do that at that moment. The girl loved the man too much to let one fall-out to ruin their relationship dynamic, she respected Doctor too much not to give him an out of the situation. 

“Please, Doctor. Please, swear you would never put me through that again. Not you. I can withstand a lot of disrespect and humiliation, but not from your hands.” 

The Time Lord wanted to interrupt her when he heard the damned word “humiliation”. Rassilon, he never wished to humiliate her, merely to keep her safe. 

“No, Doctor, please. Let me finish. This isn’t the first time that happened to me, you know. Hence the overreaction. Although I still think I reacted accordingly. James, Jimmy, the boy mum blabbered on about once (I swear she talks too much sometimes, especially when it comes to secrets), he did the same trick with the handcuffs when we started to squabble. Well, when I started being bitchy and full of jealousy. 8 hours, Doctor. 8 hours and a lot of ruined mascara. And a crushed teenage ego. I thought I was going to die there, and I thought I would die the day you did the same. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and it hurt so damn much. Jimmy wasn’t that important to me at 16, not as much as you are important to me now. I value everything you give me. Your friendship, your guidance and knowledge, the travelling, the way you put up with the domestics and my stupid human emotions. I try my best but I know I can’t be good enough. But I’m trying, I promise. I will work on my stubbornness, too. All I ask for is respect, and I promise to always respect you, too. Just...please, don’t crush me.” 

Hot, fat tears were rolling down her make-up devoid face, and Doctor felt his hearts constrict. He did the only sane thing that came to his mind. 

He stood up and hugged his precious companion, lifting her to standing position. The Time Lord crashed the girl into his chest fiercely, gently stroking her bottle blonde hair. She was due to dye the roots soon, and he thought happily that he could also amend the pain he inflicted by offering Rose to visit Jackie. To dye the hair, to loll in her mother’s care and love, to do some domestics. 

He would endure a thousand dinners on the Estate if it meant Rose would stay with him. Imagine him saying that right after he and Rose met. 

Mental. 

Doctor kissed Rose’s hair, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to provide some warmth and comfort. He uttered a hushed “forgive me” and received a quiet “forgiven” in return. Then he let go of the girl and spoke into the hallway. 

“Come out of the shadow, Captain, we know you are there.” 

Jack appeared in the doorway, smiling brighter than ever. 

“You’re no fun, Doctor.” Then the American looked down at Rose and swiftly whirled her around in a protective hug. 

“Am I forgiven now, Rosie? Mmm, what would you say?” 

Rose laughed madly and hugged the man back, whispering her own apology into his shirt. 

Doctor grinned proudly. What a team he had! To find such companions in a hostile and deceiving world...but enough of that. It was time to enjoy the moment. He spoke to his friends’ loud delight. 

“Now, I believe a hearty meal and a dessert are in order!” 

The end.


End file.
